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Trouble n’ow
a’brewin’
midst the broad moonl’ght
if ‘ is for a letter
let the letter be sp’te
if ‘ is for nothing particular
let the nothing fill what’s left of your inbox

I mentioned in a previous blog that I would post the finest confusing rejection I’ve received in my relational career. It is from one Nuclear Luke.

Background: He winked, I winked, he said, “great smile,” I said, “thanks,” he said, “sorry for not getting back to you sooner, I’ve been studying,” I said, “okay, what are you studying for,” he said, “a nuclear test,” I said, “oh that sounds pleasant, are you originally from here?”

And then his last correspondence (July 3):

sorry i saw you emailed, ive just been busy and honestly didnt take the time to respond. im headed out of town to visit family for the 4th. have a great weekend!

No, I am sorry, dear Nuclear Luke, because I deserve more than this. You can’t capitalize the first letter of a word starting a sentence? You can’t bother with apostrophes to signal contractions? You dare send me a run-on?

Dearest Nuclear Luke, you are the biggest piece of shit I’ve had dumped in my lawn today. [Note to readers…this was prior to the ex’s dumping of steaming shit via bulldozer, which completely smothered the lawn. Nuclear Luke’s shit was overruled, I’m afraid.]

Ha. I wrote this post yesterday. This morning I had an email that said, “ok I suck at email. here’s my number.” And I cannot tell you how amused I am. I forgive his lack of punctuation and capitalization simply because he acknowledges that his previous email/response time is oddball. Of course, I have the urge to call him. But then Jade, rightly, points out that how can he possibly have time for me if he doesn’t have time for email. But then, some people are major duds electronically-speaking, yes? And then, Bryan says, see? He loves you because you ignore him. So then I think I want to be loved so I should just ignore him, right? But then I wonder how am I going to ever snag a man if I’m so busy ignoring him. Bryan says it’s a game. I’m pretty sure I’m hopeless.

I considered my options. I wrote them all out. I tried to be measured instead of impulsive. I decided that 1) I did want to respond to him, but 2) only to ask if he really had time to get to know someone, and 3) I put the calling back on him and gave him my number, should  he decide he has time. I won’t call him.  There is no sense wasting time. We’ll see if he can man up. I am willing to consider that he’s not an emailer…although I met him ONLINE. I am perfectly willing to overlook him for distraction’s sake. Still, you know I get myself in trouble when bored, so let’s hope he just says he doesn’t have time. I hate being ignored, that also gets me in trouble.

Trouble=bad.

this is not a poem

exactly

just thoughts broken by lines

and no punctuation

for good measure

 

this is not a coherent whole

poem and prose

welded and molded

fused together

in harmony

 

………

 

Let me tell you. Thursday marks our one-year anniversary. We met at Julie’s, after my class (it was Theories of Technical Communication). I was so nervous, literally shaking in my brown boots, and when I saw him, I thought he was gorgeous. I thought he would surely not be interested in me.

 

We were together 5.5 months. We’ve been apart now for longer. 6.5 months. And Thursday marks our one-year anniversary.

 

Consequently, it is also trash day.

Some blog titles demand punctuation.

Some would describe me as “manic.” Just because I have a weird energy and an unfocused look about me. Fine. Say it. I’m meeting the menz again. At least online. Go me, I say. Do what you do, as Mr. Whitier would say (B, you should get this reference to Chuck P’s Haunted). Who knows how I’ll feel about it in 10 minutes but for now, it feels good to be moving.  It’s a relief to feel like I’m doing something to move on.

Two other things of note: 1) I hate conferences that are boring and have uncomfortable chairs. Not just uncomfortable because they are stiff, but because they are too tall for me. I’m trying to be a professional and all and then I’m having to swing my legs all the day long, looking so elementary school. 2) My knee hurts. Something else was supposed to go here but I can’t remember what it was. Probably because, as some would say, I’m “manic.” OH! I remember, my #2 note was that my right tonsil is nut-sack big and has not shrunk over the last few weeks, despite antibiotics and other medications. What to do, what to do.

SOB with me

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