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I am an eager child

Blue eyes lighted like candles

When you come into view

I beam

 

A moment of hesitation

As I wait for you to return the adoration

Surely you’re happy to see me?

they say I’m at the tip top
but the tip top
of my tip toes
is still less 5 feet

Honey
sweet from the hive
never mind the swarm
thick skin
be damned
go where the action’s at
kill.
the.
nerve.
numb.the.skin.

Oh, Air Force John.

How you’ve helped me this week.

My time of need and all.

You have provided ample distraction from real-life tragedy.

Your silence is better than your hi’s or highs.

Perhaps I would have liked to consider you a distraction in the flesh but no matter.

 

Oh, Air Force John.

For you, I’d avoid eating Doritos two hours before seeing you.

For you, I’d not resent leaving a third of my peppermint mints at your abode, not to mention two of my bobby pins.

For you, I’d diet.

For you, I’d murder Bryan’s murderous interpretation of me as sad.

 

Oh, Air Force John.

We have something oh so special.

I do not have your cell phone number or your email address anymore.

I knew what would happen.

But oh, Air Force John, to say, hi again.

You dropped me with two little words. Happy Holidays. What the fuck kind of thing is that to say? I love my men instantaneously.

And am always surprised when the two of us, “us,” combust spontaneously internally how could this happen to me how could he/you not love me why am I powerless to stop myself or him or you.

 

It’s not meant to be a dig I’m sure

It just does

Deep down

Disrupting fragile roots

Severing some, severely damaging others

Nonessentials are left unharmed

that time of year

when lips get chapped

I stretch them taunt

so the skin rips apart

finally giving way

to flaps

that can be painfully torn away

The walls are vacant
The laughter has died
All, all the gray has left a putrid residue of black
The Abyss has opened up and swallowed us all whole

SOB with me

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