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My ex-boyfriend asked
          How is the world treating you these days?
My ex-boyfriend said
          I have no affection to give you.

So when my new boyfriend says
          I have a headache.

I do not say
          I’m sorry, honey.
I do not say
          Is there something I can do to make you feel better?
I do not say
          I will take care of you.

I say
          Oh really.
I say
          You should probably take something for that.

It was not guilt or compassion or passion or curiosity
that drove him

It was happenstance
that he saw me on the interstate

He thought of me
only because I came into his line of vision

Inaudible

I know

In their voices

I know

A sad, fierce look in their eyes

I know

 

The problem with my hobby of suffering through heartache is that I remind others of their own past relationship traumas (a saving grace is most of them are in good, healthy relationships now). I’ve finally realized when they tell me not to beat myself up, they speak from experience, not from indifference.

 

I see a light in their eyes, aware and remembering and I feel kinship and guilt. They know and I think they’d just as well forget.

 

It’s never as easy as I’m sorry.

 

burned cookies    

are nothing to

burned fingers

are nothing to

burned egos

are nothing to

burned feelings

are nothing to

burned beings

are nothing to

you

 

Progress has been made

when the color he loved doesn’t automatically 

remind me of him

Progress when pea green can just be a pretty color

        again

Progress when lime doesn’t force the echoes of

        I have no affection to give you to ring in my

        ears

Progress when I lay me down to sleep and can

        imagine tickling grass under my feet and not  

        feel such loss

Progress when green doesn’t make me see scarlet

        or black or anger or sadness but has instead

        returned to simply being green

SOB with me

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