You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2008.
*For bcb, for real.
I think
when I die
one of the things I’ll miss most
is
you.
I love that the whole world
is an inside joke
(for us, between us)
that never goes stale.
I told this Mister that I wasn’t interested and he replied back that I was a head case. And I have the urge to giggle about someone saying that to me when I ain’t carin’ what he calls me. And also, I think: He totally gets me.
Progress has been made
when the color he loved doesn’t automatically
remind me of him
Progress when pea green can just be a pretty color
again
Progress when lime doesn’t force the echoes of
I have no affection to give you to ring in my
ears
Progress when I lay me down to sleep and can
imagine tickling grass under my feet and not
feel such loss
Progress when green doesn’t make me see scarlet
or black or anger or sadness but has instead
returned to simply being green
I just knew that little boy was going to save Mrs. Lovett from Mr. Todd. Alas, it was not to be. I would hate to be baked.
Heretoforth, I will not be taking dating advice from those who do not value my limbs. I can understand making a fool of myself, giving my dignity to some ungrateful asshole, but why should I sacrifice my fat feet and hands for a date? i just don’t think it’s right. It’s time I stand up for my extremities, dammit.
I would hate
to be baked.
My best prospect at the moment is in Japan. This other guy fell through. Here are the highlights: yesterday, he took his friend, Roy, to the ENT doctor to get his stitches out, went to Walmart, and was over at Roy’s house when he called. He likes chess, he minimized what a feat it was for me to install new phone jacks (“it’s not hard”), he made assumptions about my career, he reads manuals on construction, he majored in philosophy (which made me sick to my stomach, I was like, “oh I never really liked the theory classes I had to take,” to which he then said, “well, you know it’s in my nature to question things.” Which implies I’m a mindless member of the herd.) I’m telling you the ones that don’t ask for your number are weird. He seemed disappointed that I wouldn’t go out to see a band with him last night. I’m pretty sure he could be the one who dismembers me, because he’s very logical and very monotone. Serial killer-esque, if you will. I was bored stiff about 5 minutes in. It was relentless. I finally told him I was out the door, going to a friend’s house.
I am wrong, and I know I am. In my heart, I know it. I take my frustrations out on innocent bystanders, people who are only trying to do right by me. I’m so frustrated with the people who aren’t in my life and don’t want to be (not just a certain person, but also feeling a lack of someone special in my life generally) that I take it out on people who I know will forgive me.
So. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better. Promise.
the leaves are red
turning brown
dying down
the wind
blows a little less fresh
my cheeks are paler now
instead of thickening
my skin is becoming thin
my dreams and disappointments
more transparent
with each intake of breath
there’s a shudder of fear that nothing will come out
where youth ends
life
life is on her throne
youth is a song
outplayed
overplayed
a sonic boom
ringing in the ears of those no longer young
There might be a straight man who gets my sense of humor. He’s already assessed that I’m a bit “crazy, no?” He appears amused. This greatly pleases me. So what if he’s in Japan. Amusement knows no bounds.
**This is a song by Sting called “Inside.” It’s a great freakin’ song.
Inside the doors are sealed to love
Inside my heart is sleeping
Inside the fingers of my glove
Inside the bones of my right hand
Inside it’s colder than the stars
Inside the dogs are weeping
Inside the circus of the wind
Inside the clocks are filled with sand
Inside she’ll never hurt me
Inside the winter’s creeping
Inside the compass of the night
Inside the folding of the land
Outside the stars are turning
Outside the world’s still burning
Inside my head’s a box of stars I never dared to open
Inside the wounded hide their scars, inside this lonesome sparrow’s fall
Inside the songs of our defeat, they sing of treaties broken
Inside this army’s in retreat, we hide beneath the thunder’s call
Outside the rain keeps falling
Outside the drums are calling
Outside the flood won’t wait
Outside they’re hammering down the gate
Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love’s an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation, love is annihilation.
Inside the failures of the light, the night is wrapped around me
Inside my eyes deny their sight, you’d never find me in this place
Inside we’re hidden from the moonlight, we shift between the shadows
Inside the compass of the night, inside the memory of your face
Outside the walls are shaking
Inside the dogs are waking
Outside the hurricane won’t wait
Inside they’re howling down the gate
Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love’s an explosion,
Love is the fire at the end of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
The pain of instruction
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.
I climb this tower inside my head
A spiral stair above my bed
I dream the stairs don’t ask me why,
I throw myself into the sky
Love me like a baby, love me like an only child
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy,
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.
Annihilate me, infiltrate me, incinerate me, accelerate me,
mutilate me, inundate me, violate me, implicate me,
vindicate me, devastate me
Love me like a parasite, love me like a dying sun
Love me like a criminal, love me like a man on the run
Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me,
demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me,
conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me,
segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me
Ramblings of a Medicated Lady: Words of Woe by Loria Taylor 
Your Sympathies: