You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘shit’ tag.

All about me.

In one word describe how you currently see yourself:
homely

One prominent nickname you were given:
ML or in my other life, Lo

One strange fact about yourself:
I hate constrictions of having to come up with one response when I mostly have several responses to questions, some of which are mutually exclusive.

One bad habit?
Not washing my hair often enough

One thing you can’t tolerate?
Wordpress monster avatars that appear as my picture on some blogs. It says it saves the new avatar but then the monster shows up. And the monster looks like he’s smiling. Like he’s a happy monster. Ugh. See Bindo’s site for my monster-faced comment.

What that sickens you?
Tidiness, rinsing with salt water

One thing you can’t forgive?
Bryan, for telling me there’s no hurry to complete his contest and then calling me every 5 seconds to see if I have selected a winner.

You have difficulties with…?
grocery shopping and bullets found in my door

What turns you on in a man physically?
Tall, hair on head, brain optional
What turns you on in a woman physically?
overalls

What is a turn off for you in a man physically?
A small oh-my. Short and/or without hair.

What is a turn off for you in a woman physically?
scabs

Have you seen the white light at the end of the tunnel?
I try to block it out with my sleeping mask.

One drink you’re never touching again?
Pledge-flavored herbal tea

How many countries have you visited?
A lowly 2 countries.

How many countries still on the list?
All of them, although I might wait a minute before heading over to Somalia or Afghanistan

One word to describe you a random friend.
Sevenlicious

One word to describe your partner.
N/fucking/A

One word to describe your latest ex.
Smelly

One word do describe your soul mate.
available

One word to describe your nemesis.
Sevenlicious

Your future in one word
freezer

You’re stranded on an island… One thing you’d want…?
liposuction

One word to describe this tag
time-waster

One thing you would like to say to the person on your mind right now
Wanna cuddle?

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After returning to work from lunch today, I smelled an unpleasant scent emitting from my person. It smelled like dog. I sniffed my hands, my elbows, my shirt, my pants, no luck. And then the thought struck, it smells like shit. And so it was.

Right there, on the bottom of my shoe. I’m pretty sure I mean that literally and figuratively.

No shit. This is the whole of my love life.

 

Nerdy military guy (NMG): Wink

ML: wink

ML: where you be?

NMG: I been reading. My life is GREAT!

ML: Oh

(long, long pause as ML contemplates the greatness of NMG’s life)

ML: Whatche reading?

NMG: Reading bout ‘Nam

ML: Sweet. I like death.

NMG: Call me if you get bored.

ML: Okay, I’ll call you soon. BTW, you know my given name isn’t my screen name, “sassyso-and-so,” right? Are you interested in my real name?

NMG: Okay.

Update: NMG sends me the most intimate text I’ve ever gotten…”hi” Like, we’re so close that we don’t need punctuation or more than one-syllable words anymore. LOVE is Good!

I’m pretty sure my shit smells worse than yours.

 

My friend said she didn’t want to be that girl. I told her not to worry, I had been that girl undercover for years. A few days later, I decided to try bulimia out again for shit’s sake (literally). I only tried it a couple of times before, gagging myself with nothing to show for it but the aching aftermath of dry heaving. But it’s years later and I realize I never gave bulimia a fair shake (make that shit).

 

It’s a matter of developing a balanced diet of disease. I’ve always been able to binge. Although I haven’t been doing it of late. I say purging is better for strict weight loss; otherwise, you are just neutralizing the Burger King.

 

It’s okay: tell me how wrong it is, but know that no other thought seemed as brilliant as taking two laxatives in the late afternoon and then two more later, before bed, and swigging it down with pure acid (Coke Zero).

 

In hindsight (do the puns ever stop?), running (another one!!) to the bathroom at 10, 3, and 5 during sleep time is not exactly fun. My stomach gurgled for hours. It sounded like Charlotte’s Montezuma’s Revenge that caused her to shat on herself in the Sex in the City movie. It didn’t end up being that bad, but it was not pleasant.

 

Am I really advocating an eating disorder and giving how-to’s? Give me a break. My epiphany: It’s always better to hug it out than shit it out.

SOB with me

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