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  • A Reader’s Purge: Binging on the Ruminations of Little Girls and Dying

    I’ve been crying since I was eight years old. Blame Lurlene McDaniel. I do. In the summer of 1987, I found death on a shelf at the Lee County Library in Sanford, North Carolina.…

  • Girl with Bad Attitude Crossing the Street

    Here’s a technique they use: In a perfect world, what would happiness, togetherness, the best date ever, etc. look like? Maybe the question helps some people, but it pisses me off. 1) Before I…

  • A Waffle House Romance

    I met him at the Waffle House, which was even cooler than saying I met him on the internet He was cute though for a moment as I was walking up I wasn’t sure…

  • A Paragraph about Menz

    Seriously. They. All. Come. Back. The last two days have brought greetings from two former men who sinned against me. Greetings that were happy and affable, old friends saying hello. Fucking Air Force men.…

  • Stage Show

    He summons me on stage Let’s do a runthrough He welcomes my impromptus the dancing grooves of my pulsing neurons that say YES, YES, YES with good humor a sort of warm embrace if…

  • Starvation Log 0.70

    Found a new calorie calculator online. The computer calculated. I need to reduce my intake to 1759 cal or 1421 (without exercise) in order to lose weight. I recalculated. I know better than to…

  • The Easy How-To Instruction Guide for All Things Important

    Eating French Fries 1. Always eat fries in pairs of two, who are very close to identical length. Do not eat one, four, seven, or eleven fries at one time. Only two. Think French…

  • On Country Personal Ads

    I’ve never met this guy and I never will. He offends me to the core. Repusively country. When a dating service asks you what your interests are, they mean what interests do you have…

  • Vomiting Joy

    Tiny snowflake tears make me want to vomit joy. That’s close to a pleasant thought I had the other day. Dear readers, I have missed you. I’m not feeling profound or witty or particularly…