- “Don’t you think orphaned Asian children are the cutest things ever?”
- “I have been wanting to introduce you two for a while now. This is my lovechild, Bunny, who I share custody of with his other mother, Bryan.” [It’s the Other Mother part that is confusing, not the Honey-Bunny part.]
- “Do you ever have questions about questions?”
- “What is your stance on double snaps?”
- “Will you hand me the fuchsia scarf? No, not the lilac scarf. No, not the dusty rose one. My God, are you color blind?”
- “I don’t think we want the same things.”
- “ .” (silencio)
- “Tell me again, because I do not recall, who are you?”
- “I know exactly what a Phillips screwdriver is and where you can find one.”
- “I would not like to cook you dinner. I do not cook for anyone.”
- “I feel that you’re a little too needy, yes?”
- “Um, no.”
- “I do not appreciate your lazy ass.”
- “I will not tolerate your lazy ass for one more second.”
- “I would encourage you to remove your lazy ass from my house before I send you to the pokey, motherfucker.”
- “I do not like huntin’.”
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July 23, 2009 at 9:54 pm
B. R. Belletryst
I do declare! I am an adorable once orphaned, now adopted, Asian lovechild.
Thanks, Mom & Mom!
Mom, stop hitting mom with your purse, and Mom, don’t tattle on Mom.
You know who you are.
(Also, I’m the needy one, on no!)
July 24, 2009 at 3:09 am
Uncle Tree
“Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?”
Confusion say: He who understands
is he who always overlooks.
1. It’s a tossup between Asian children and puppy dogs
2. Bunny does what that Mother Futherucker cannot do
3. No. I have all the answers
4. Same as it is on double downs
5. Your God? “My God” is Jethro Tull’s fuchsia God
6. We never did, and we shouldn’t
7. (I can stay quiet much longer than you)
8. Do we need to get out the dirty pictures again?
9. That is amazing!
10. I do not eat anymore…I suck
11. My needy is rather large
12. Then I’ll do it myself
13. Is that why you mowed the lawn?
14. Nice trim job, too
15. Just give me time to find my underwear first
16. I don’t like being shot at either. Wanna go fly fishing?
July 24, 2009 at 7:45 am
medicatedlady
Bunny: I really do hit your mother with a purse sometimes. I’m sorry to have exposed you to such violence. We probably should go to family counseling soon.
Uncle Tree: Ha. Way to stand up for the Straight Man. You really can out-quiet me, of course.
July 24, 2009 at 12:52 pm
jessiecarty
I am very intrigued by exactly where the Phillips screwdriver is located…. 🙂
July 24, 2009 at 12:54 pm
medicatedlady
Oh Jessie, I personally have no knowledge of any Phillips screwdriver, which is why it would be confusing to any straight man that I might say that to. 😉
July 25, 2009 at 7:01 pm
B. R. Belletryst
Family counseling, here we come!
If they give me a foam bat, all bets are off.
August 4, 2009 at 9:36 pm
1writegirl
Ah, yet a gay man would follow you completely, now wouldn’t he? Wait a minute, Uncle Tree?? Who knew??