It’s happened. A continuation of a saga I thought was as over as it was going to be.
Maybe it’s predictable. But the wind is knocked out of me and I feel as though my life depends on how I recover my breath.
My ex-boyfriend emailed me, asking how the world was treating me. When I saw his name in my inbox, I started shaking. I felt like crying. Now, I’m just shaken.
How long have I wanted to hear from him. How long have I wanted to tell him off. How long did I ache because of him. I still want to tell him off, but I do not want to open Pandora’s Box. It is a bitch to close. I resent this shit being brought up again. Let me do a brief refresher: My ex was an asshole. He told me in bed that he had no affection to give me. But apparently he had other sinister things to give, which have since cleared up, but who can forgive someone for making them skank.
And so since I’m trying to stay in my right mind and not having a knee-jerk reaction, Bryan has encouraged me to take this to my blog and faithful readers. And I will say this: Bryan is probably one of my biggest supporters when it comes to the menfolk. He does understand that there is a lot of first-hand learning that must go on in a girl’s life. He also said this is a good thing because even though I am stunned, this gives me a chance to control “closure.”
Possible responses:
- No response. Stony silence.
- “Well, ex-boyfriend, the world recently told me in bed the other day that it had no affection for me and then gave me a STD.”
- Part 1: “Fuck.”
- Part 2: “You.”
- Nothing. No stony silence, no tell-off. Just be strong and leave it be. I’m not sure I’m strong enough.
- “The world is treating me great.”
- “The world is treating me great since I got the restraining order.”
- “Well, to tell you the truth, there are no sunshine and rainbows. Let me catch you up to speed: a friend of mine got jumped by a grizzly bear and a “grizzly bear” if you know what I mean, I suffered the loss of my aunt, I have had approximately 1.5 mental breakdowns since we last spoke and approximately 1.5 of them were a direct result of you, I hate peas. I have had a guy leave the country without telling me, had one who wanted to cuddle, one who is very available, one who emailed what is the most confusing rejection slip I’ve ever gotten (to be highlighted soon on this blog, if I get bored), one who was leaving the country to go fight in Afghanistant when I met him, and one who is a therapist…”
- “I’m not going there with you.” (This was his response whenever I wanted to talk about horrible things like feelings and meaning.)
- Send a link to this blog so that technically all responses are delivered.
- Any ideas? Thoughts of encouragement? Truly, I would love your input and I can assure you I have affection for you, dear reader, and I will not give you a STD.
Ramblings of a Medicated Lady: Words of Woe by Loria Taylor 
18 comments
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July 6, 2009 at 12:52 pm
poeticgrin
I’ve posted a couple of poems in regard to the subject.
I think that whatever you decide, it must be a swift decapitation. Email him – then block his address or set an out-of-office reply – “M’Lday is currently done with MotherFuckers.” I think some will vote for silence, but I enjoy some form of revenge through the written word.
July 6, 2009 at 1:49 pm
paulandrewrussell
Medicated Lady,
What if the gift he gave you had been fatal? He obviously didn’t care enough to think about your health or your life. It makes sense then that if he doesn’t care about inflicting something so serious on your bodily health he won’t care much about you whatever happens.
I know it sounds harsh, but to have someone inflict a disease on you, however mild or curable it may be, is not a person to welcome back into your life. You were relatively lucky last time, you may not be so lucky the next time.
Ignore him.
July 6, 2009 at 1:50 pm
poeticgrin
Paul is right, of course.
July 6, 2009 at 1:51 pm
poeticgrin
Also, I love that the entire European Union is visiting your blog!
July 6, 2009 at 2:04 pm
medicatedlady
It’s definitely not a welcoming. More of a consideration of closure. I do not believe he gave a shit about me, not in any real way.Part of me does not feel lucky in any way but this is a reaction to having my feelings hurt all over again by simply seeing his name. And also, I know you are right.
I do not think it’s harsh to state what’s true. I, of course, appreciate you.
July 6, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Jade
I agree with Paul as well. He doesn’t deserve to know how life is treating you. I understand, as Bryan put it, about wanting revenge with the written word, but that opens up a door that has already been shut. Why open it again just for it to return to its current position?
July 6, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Val
If you were my daughter I would tell you this: You know what you are doing. There are two things we use in life, the heart and the head and the trick is knowing which one to use in each situation. You already know this is one for the head. If you were my daughter I would do this: Give him a war wound that would allow him to see there can be worse places than afghanistan for someone who likes to share antisocial diseases. But that’s just me. 😉 Much love to you no matter what you decide. hugs
July 6, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Paul
Me too. I’m for option number one. Ignore him. If he doesn’t go away, then Bryan’s option, fire nuclear word missile and block any retaliation. Be proud and disdainful.
July 6, 2009 at 3:25 pm
medicatedlady
I have sent him and his message to my trash. I have subsequently emptied my trash.
The “welcoming” comment hit hard. I do not welcome him or that drama back. I AM proud and disdainful. I enjoy nuclear attacks but only if diplomatic silence does not work. I would very much enjoy torturing those who have tortured others/me and I would very much like to show certain assholes the meaning of “worse than Afghanistan.” And, yes, a closed door is a closed door–no matter who shuts it.
But. I remember him and his email address, and there’s danger/opportunity still there.
Sheryl Crow’s “Now That You’re Gone”: I’m afraid some long lonely road will bring me back to you again.
Yes, dear.
July 6, 2009 at 3:34 pm
poeticgrin
It’s not you who I am worried about, M’Lady. It’s the you after dark…
July 6, 2009 at 3:34 pm
poeticgrin
Dare I say, it’s the OTHER you.
July 6, 2009 at 3:36 pm
medicatedlady
It is me. It’s the weaker version. It’s the version that is the most self-destructive.
July 6, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Tel
Take that Sheryl Crow CD out and put in her other one with “You’re My Favorite Mistake.” Marinate in that a while and something, surely, surly will come to you and you’ll be vindicated. Obviously, I agree with Bryan and vote for revenge through the written word.*
*Disclaimer – I have been known to accidentally give the best of intentions-turned-horrible advice which I, myself, would never follow. I’m also impulsive, hot headed, impatient, mouthy and often indignant when I’m feeling bitter or perplexed…
July 6, 2009 at 3:46 pm
medicatedlady
And Tel, your disclaimer is the disclaimer of my life. Bryan typically calls my “impulsive, hot headed, impatient, mouthy and often indignant when I’m feeling bitter or perplexed” spells my manic states. Or alternatively, my Dark Place. It’s reassuring to know someone else lives/visits these places.
I will inevitably write a response…whether I send it to him or not. I hope to exceed expectations in my surliness.
July 7, 2009 at 7:51 am
medicatedlady
It was not guilt or compassion or passion or curiosity
that drove him
It was happenstance
that he saw me on the interstate
He thought of me
only because I came in his line of vision
July 7, 2009 at 8:57 am
Jessie Carty
I think you did the right thing.
Now delete his email address from your address book!!!
*hugs*
although, if i had sent one, it might have said – circle circle dot dot, wish i’d gotten my cootie shot before sleeping with you – or something close to that boskank (a word i just made up for boy skank :P)
July 7, 2009 at 8:59 am
medicatedlady
Ho-hum: I don’t have his email addy in my address book…I have it in my head. I like the boskank concept.
July 15, 2009 at 1:48 pm
medicatedlady
the end result.
https://medicatedlady.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/interstatin/