My friend, Lamar, recently posted about living in the past and the future and trying to find balance in the now. It made me think. I only have brief moments of clarity in which I totally feel the now. For example, I live in the now when I realize this or that sucks. When I have overeaten and feel ill, in this very moment.
Mainly, though, it’s somewhere other than now that I live. This comes to the fore when yours truly, medicatedlady, signs herself up for an on-line dating service and the impossible questions arise, such as “what are your current likes and dislikes.” My mind goes blank. I have no current likes or dislikes, other than I currently very much dislike these silly questions I’m being forced to answer.
Then, my brain goes backwards and forwards. I’d like to one day like to workout. I’d like to be adventurous and be a decent tennis player in the future. I will dislike unavailable men soon. I’d like to be really skinny sometime before I’m dead. Or. I used to very much like my home-made cheese sandwiches. I used to dislike all jokes pertaining to pork or paying for pork or porking for pay. It’s all wills and dids. Used tos and would likes. Never dos. Never now.
I live for the time when this moment becomes that moment or will become that moment.
Maybe this isn’t a problem. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how I can change what seems so natural. The present isn’t natural. At least not to me.
For Lamar’s post, see http://lamarj72.wordpress.com/ and enjoy.
Ramblings of a Medicated Lady: Words of Woe by Loria Taylor 
4 comments
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January 19, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Paul Squires
I think you were ‘in the now’ when you are writing the now when you were writing this smiley piece. It made me grin.
January 20, 2009 at 6:24 am
lamarj72
Here’s hoping your moments of clarity last longer than mine!
January 20, 2009 at 12:08 pm
poeticgrin
I don’t know how many times I have to say it. I never uttered “pork pays.” That doesn’t even make sense. You misunderstood. Maybe I said, “Bjork craze” in reference to that crazy singer and the kick I was on where I pretended to like her. Maybe I say “Stork lays” in relation to a stork laying an egg. Maybe I said “Fork stays” wherein you were trying to throw away my eating utensils before I was through eating. I was not calling you large or hefty in any way. This was more than 10 years ago!
January 20, 2009 at 2:21 pm
medicatedlady
Lamar: my moments are frightfully rare and short-lived. I did have one moment I believe a week ago that lasted about 10 minutes, but I was very flighty and impulsive…which also didn’t last.
Paul: I’m in the now when I’m in the then and in the will be. The past and future are my present.
poeticgrin: I will box you.