Just once, I’d like to be able to blame someone else. Instead, I internalize everything. I plod methodically toward self-retaliation. I’m not even sure what I’m sacrificing myself for, only that it seems fitting. Since I can’t seem to ward off attacks from myself, I shall give you examples of what not to do to yourself. Do not…

  • Take laxatives if you do not need them for their intended purpose. You will be in misery for days.
  • Take joy in being exposed to the flu.
  • Drink too many caffeinated beverages.
  • Impulsively overmedicate with Benadryl.
  • Commit yourself to unnecessary stress by falling into the Avoidance Void.
  • Put up with men who don’t appreciate you.
  • Ignore the low gas light.
  • Isolate yourself for days or weeks or months on end.
  • Eat fast food.
  • Avoid telling your closest friends about any of the above points until months later. If you can’t admit to something now, you shouldn’t be doing it.

 

Things you should do for yourself…

  • Eat more vegetables.
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Remember you have lost and kept weight off on your own and you can do it again. Also, remember that gaining 15 pounds is not the same as gaining all your weight back.
  • Buy ringtones.
  • Fluff your hair.
  • Mix it up and give a nice (tall) guy a chance.
  • Wear perfume because it makes you feel pretty.
  • Acknowledge there is a list of things you can and will do for yourself that are healthy for you.
  • Paint toenails. Try bright red. (Suggestion courtesy of Mr. Paul Squires.)
  • Aimlessly walking. The longer the better. (Again, via Paul.)
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