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Living Dead
February 3, 2009 in About me, affliction, Confession, Confusion, Depression: moderate, Questions & Questioning, Rambling, Reflection | Tags: anticipatory grief, death, doctors, dying, Guilt, hospital, the living dead, treatment options | 3 comments
The doctors and I have an understanding. We say things like, well, your treatment options are narrowing or to mix things up, we tell her, we’ll have to wait and see what the test results say. We do not say, your life options are limited.
We do not tell her she’s more likely to die than live.
Which technically is everyone’s fate, but you know what I mean.
In the hospital,
waiting.
I realize
not wanting to live
is not the same thing
as wanting to die.
I realize
it’s not accurate to say
I’ve wanted to be dead.
I have wanted to be the living dead.
Your Sympathies: