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  • If you have to use Aspercreme on sore muscles, wash and rewash your hands. Once or twice is not good enough, because should the icy-hot fire somehow get around your what-not area, it will burn for hours and you will be miserable.
  • If you haven’t already done so, just get on with it.
  • Eat chips and chocolate.
  • Drink regular Coke and Pepsi.
  • Go to your bathroom stall at work and take out the book you’ve been trying to finish for weeks and go ahead and read a couple of pages per trip. You can make special trips. This will make you especially happy with feelings that you have duped everyone.
  • Don’t hesitate to sleep. Defend your sleep privileges to the death. If you have to tell the Gays they are too stressful to be around right now, so be it. You’re their Princess; they will surely forgive you.
  • Lay out.
  • Jump in random pools. Or at least imagine jumping in pools irrationally over a period of no less than 5 hours of constant “I should jump in a pool” loops running in your head.
  • Find an Air Force John. He will not have the energy to blow you off. He will want to cuddle with you. Except that maybe he only responded because he’s intoxicated and watching “WifeSwap” when he’s a 26-year-old military man. Anyhow, he will respond if prompted and offer distraction, if not frustration and perplexation.
  • Never mind if “perplexation” is a word. It should be. Own it.
  • Even if you know you will have to write about it again sometime, keep your darkness at bay. It’s the only way to keep from crying racking sobs every day.
  • Do not think about your dead aunt.
  • Do not think about your impending summer program.
  • Do not worry about tan lines.
  • Recognize raisins are good for you.
  • Stay conscious for only mere minutes of time until drifting off into something as close to peace as you get.

On Tragedy

…a haiku by poeticgrin, 8/18/04


Weed in a taco

Broken swings, asses, and dreams

Satan’s spawn inside




…not sure if poeticgrin or I wrote this one. It sort of sounds like me, but it’s on Bryan’s b-day, 7/30/96


Sinking deeper and deeper


The sand fills my mouth


Choking my screams


But I am not shrieking, screaming for anyone (except you)

No one would bear the bluntness of my harmful blow


I’d knock you over (WOP!)

Lecture me of right and wrong


What does it matter in the armpits of my hell?


So I’m drowning in the dry earth that bore me


Seems appropriate, though I’m not sure I agree


There is no hope on which I could lay the truth


So I shall die and rot with it




Lil Bit of Moonshine

…medicatedlady, 8/27/95 


There is no halfway


You can’t cheat a dream


No way, no more, nothing you can say


Work is harder than it seems



Truth is a wonder


There’s all the rhyme and reason in the world


No lies, no time to slumber


Just you, me, and perhaps little





*(Pearl from The Scarlet Letter)



SOB with me

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