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Tag: How to

  • How to Successfully Manage Anxiety in Stressful Times

    I don’t advocate suicide, dear readers, as a stress management tool. If you want to manage your anxiety in a so-called “maladaptive” way (and why wouldn’t you?), you should consider picking. This involves the pulling of skin to cause pain and injury to relieve stress and give an external source of distraction to the things…

  • How to Get Through Hard Times

    There’s no way to avoid life’s cruel, incessant lashings. Here’s what you do when difficult times descend: • You carefully examine the rubble of your cookies. Your immediate thought is that you could never overcome this woeful obstacle. • You put the cookies out of your sight for 35 seconds. • You can’t get the…

  • How to Make a Cake

    Let the snow fall down, half a foot let the rain fall down, half an inch freeze, five hours serve with slippery roads and unbecoming falls from grace.

  • The Easy How-To Instruction Guide for All Things Important

    Eating French Fries 1. Always eat fries in pairs of two, who are very close to identical length. Do not eat one, four, seven, or eleven fries at one time. Only two. Think French fry twins. 2. If you get to the end of your fries, and you discover a single fry left, you should…

  • How to Make It through a Tuesday

    Create lists. Many, many lists. Breathe sighs of relief that you are keeping yourself silent. Drink Coke Zero. Feel guilty about drinking Coke Zero and go get some water. Watch your hard-won tan fade. Remember your luminous hair and shake it out for good measure. Distract yourself with all sorts of insignificant things all day.…