We were told never to begin an essay with the definition of a word as defined in Webster’s Dictionary.

We’ve become sophisticated writers of iambic pentameter royalty and look down upon the peasants of approximate rhyme and reason.

We’ve grabbed life by the ball sack and harnessed the power of a cockring. But there was a time when I didn’t know what a dildo was and I’m nostalgic for the days when I ended a sentences with “thus” and didn’t provide enough detail in an essay about the Great Gatsby, which, by the way, I never read.

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