1. You know you want to.
2. I will thank you by name when I win some grand award.
3. You can claim me on your taxes. 4. I’m begging you.
5. I will bring joy to your life via misery.
6. I’ve got vet bills to pay.
7. I can finally regain self-respect by not having to shamelessly promote myself. (Did you know I’ve been called “Plath on Prozac”? I’m not sure if the Prozac has helped but I haven’t put my head in an oven yet.)
8. I don’t want to have to put my head in an oven.
9. My publisher will give you 20% off and a bag of gold (free!!).
10. My luminous hair will love you.

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