Blog Bryan Has Insisted I Write For Some Time Now

Sep 28, 2010

Things my dogs have eaten:
 My pristine Blackberry 8530. My Emmie chewed right through the ALT button and I had to buy me a whole new phone because a broken ALT button means you can’t properly punctuate texts and emails. (Did you know that new 8530s are $500??)
 My Blackberry phone charger
 My replacement Blackberry phone charger
 My crackers
 My peanut butter crackers
 Raisins (this is toxic to dogs but of course, it didn’t affect my Poppy at all but I have the vet bill to show for my lack of attention)
 Snickers bar(s)
 Toilet paper
 My dignity
 My carpet
 The once-white grout in between my tile flooring
 My G.I. Jane dvd
 At least 8 pairs of shoes (seriously)
 At least 2 tubes of Neosporin (not toxic but beware of the doggie gas toxicity you will experience)
 Entire ketchup packets
 Pepto bismal
 Gummy snacks
 Old bread
 New bread
 Bread that was supposed to be all mine
 At least 6 book covers (good sources of fiber, apparently)
 At least the edges of 4 other books’ pages
 More rugs and towels than I can count
 Each other’s poop (grisly discovery)
 Grass
 More grass
 Worms (specifically earth worms, not parasitic ones)
 A dead bird (almost)
 Ants
 My newly-bought used digital camera (telling are the teeth marks on the lenses)
 My USB drives with all manner of writing on them (okay, they didn’t actually eat them but that was a close call)
 My daddy’s hand
 My balance
 My neighbor’s respect
 My car floorboards
 All of their toys
 Their dog bowls
 My flipflops
 My purple sweater
 My blue sweather
 My pea green sweater
 My Clinique cranberry lipstick. R.I.P.
 The contents of my bathroom trashcan

The dogs have also eaten away the anger I feel with they happiness they bring…especially when they are asleep.

Comments

6 responses to “Blog Bryan Has Insisted I Write For Some Time Now”

Tel

September 28, 2010

Still, you haven’t lived. Not until your dog has eaten your wall. Seriously. A #!#!*&!%@ wall in a two year old home. Slightly still bitter….
medicatedlady

September 28, 2010

Tel–you just jarred my memory. Okay, the dogs have not eaten any walls as yet. The demon dog I have did eat the edge of a windowsill. OMG, you’re right–the next step is structural damage to my property.
ebbtide

September 28, 2010

Had to laugh at this! My dog isn’t a chewer (well, not since the puppy phase anyway) so I haven’t had to deal with most of what you have. Just the one pair of shoes, a corner of the kitchen cabinet and the wall. Yes, the wall. Amazing what angles they can tilt their little heads into just to get at what they want.

Love the “My dignity point”. So true. Especially when people catch you having an entire discussion with your dog.
Dhyan

September 28, 2010

i am glad i prefer cats
slpmartin

September 28, 2010

Have you considered getting some fish? Even piranhas would do less damage than your dogs. 😉
Val

September 28, 2010

My dog Cody once chewed a large umbrella plant, the wooden posts on the stairs, my slippers and a bird feeder after it fell off in the wind. My other dog Pepper used to like to steal salmon off the firepit when my back was turned, a dangerous thing because salmon skin is toxic to dogs and will actually kill them. Okay, here is one for the gasps of disgust: I once went to a clients house and her dog had gotten into the bathroom waste basket and had strewn some used sanitary items all over after having torn them to bits. :0 Oh yeah, she never called me again, such was her embarrassment. Now, I have sparkey, a cat that channels his inner dog.