The last few days have been rough, friends. There was lots of neurological disruption in my head, creating a dream-like existence of fear and craziness.
An unnamed gay-filled friend, who knuckle-sandwiched me in the back at a movie once, described my condition in accurate detail: It was as if your entire essence of being was stripped away and all that remained was demented frailty.
Further, same poetic friend explained: You was like, “I think I should go off my meds.” At the height of a mental crisis. I was like, you need to eat.
But don’t worry, friends. Off medications, I did not go. I had a consultation yesterday and new medications were consumed as greedily as the KFC chicken I had for dinner last night. Yum.
Ramblings of a Medicated Lady: Words of Woe by Loria Taylor 
9 comments
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September 3, 2009 at 6:19 am
mariana
You did the right thing, congratulations lady. I know it feel awfull to think you are about to go crazy, that kind of happend to me while I was on some anti psichotic medication, it was incredibly weird the effect they cause on main brain. But remember that psychiatric medication is not an exact science, you need to try the different options, and probably a couple won t work, and then adjust the dosis properly with time.
September 3, 2009 at 9:11 am
jessiecarty
there is nothing worse than when you can’t trust your mind!
glad you are starting to feel better 🙂
i was just thinking of lunch and now KFC sounds awfully yummy…
September 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm
medicatedlady
mariana–yes, I knew I was going crazy when I decided I wanted to go off meds. The next day, I RAN in the opposite direction for my doctor. Wellbutrin made me especially crazy and threw me into a manic episode that lasted for a long time (EVERYBODY commented on me becoming a different person) before I sunk into a deeper depression than I had felt up to that point. Don’t worry, though, because I’ve gone lower since then. Dosage issues are the biggest bitch, right? It’s so frustrating; sometimes, it feels easier to give up. But then I remember there is NOTHING easy about going crazy.
Jessie–Honey, KFC is the bomb. I went there again today. I hope you dot your chicken on. 😉
September 3, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Patrice
What am I gonna do with you? I leave off for a few weeks – and you post all these posties that – well – upset me. But then, that makes it about me – and it’s not at all about me. So apologies for not being around, not being supportive, not paying attention, when all the while you have so often been such a spark for me… keeping me sane and complacent while sadness consumes you. You are so like an empath who loses a bit of her own strength as she bolsters others.
I love you long distance. And I love that mad sweet poet too.
Take all the meds that keep you best. I’m counting on you.
September 4, 2009 at 8:14 am
medicatedlady
Patrice–I have always felt your presence, dear. 🙂 I feel your support regardless of the leaving of comments. I am a basketcase. The pendelum swings back to super-crazy sometimes, but not to worry, two nights of good sleep and I feel something close to normal. Fear not, I know I’m better as medicated than not. 🙂 Even Bryan agrees.
September 4, 2009 at 1:52 pm
poeticgrin
That Gay Poety Friend sure has a way with words. I hope you show him the proper respect and appreciation.
September 4, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Val
I know about this. Dosages can fuck you up. changes in meds can fuck you up. This will get better, you will get past it and don’t lose yourself in the black. the blackness is the lie, the feeling level is the truth. Hang on girl and the ride will slow down. HUGS my friend and a pillar to lean on. Bryan: You are one fine dude. 🙂
September 5, 2009 at 5:12 am
Uncle Tree
Take care of yourself, M’Lady.
You are doing your best,
it sounds like to me.
Easier said than done, I know.
But really…
is anything easier done than said,
except
humming, grunting and moaning?
September 5, 2009 at 9:17 am
Patrice
I think I’ll spend the rest of today humming, grunting and moaning.
Geez – you get the best comments!
I’ll think of you as I am out bush-hogging today. Nothing like time spent on a tractor to put the ego in perspective.