I yelled at my brother because he wronged us, because he wronged me. My aunt is suffering through cancer treatment that will most likely result in her death, but the odds being what they are and her will to live being what it is, there’s no other option. I yelled at my brother because he wants to believe she doesn’t know what’s going on. That she’s drugged up. That she mindlessly drifts in and out of a slumber from which she remembers nothing.
She’s conscious, you idiot.
I realized that he wants to believe—and the rest of them as well—that she’s dying without pain. I think it’s cruel of me, but I tell him, no, she is not out of it and she feels lonely and unloved and how could you not call her ahead of time to say you changed your mind and weren’t going be there?
I don’t know what it’s like to be her. In my own narrow-mindedness, I think I would like being alone. It’s heartbreaking, though, to see someone alone who doesn’t want to be. To figure out that your friends and your family are no where to be found. That you have less than a handful of caring people who visit you and a niece you were never close to as your primary source of support.
So I yelled at my brother, because he has illusions of his own good-guy and godly grandeur. He will tell you about Jesus, if you want. He will invite you to church. He’ll tell you God will set you free, but I imagine he would look puzzled if you asked him if he actually follows the WWJD mentality. For example, would Jesus bail on His aunt? How would my brother have felt if he were left to rot within the confines of four white walls and a number on his back? The rest of my family, they will shoot the breeze with you. They’ll adamantly make promises and say they are 100% behind you…unless they are out any gas money to come see you.
So, there you’ll be. Alone when you don’t want to be. Unloved. A chore and a burden. Outright, no one even bothers to say you’re not a bother.
You are a bother. You will continue to be a bother. Can you die now and let us bury you in the mud where you won’t take up our time and energy?
So I’ve made matters worse, at least for him. Now in addition to my unaccommodating aunt and her silly sickness, I have inconvenienced my brother with my anger. Why do you have to be like that, he asks. I repeat his question with bitterness in my voice.
I hang up.
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March 2, 2009 at 3:11 pm
poeticgrin
There is something incredibly powerful about your closing words, “I hang up.” For me, it takes this very personal journal entry into a whole other space. You jump back. You feel the door slam. You feel guilty for everything and anything. You know you’ve done wrong because we’ve all been that person who didn’t go see the sick friend or dying relative.
We’ve all known better.
March 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Jade
I love this poem. I love that you can feel your anger. I love the line “left to rot within the confines of four white walls and a number on his back” How would he have felt? To a point he has been in her situation, he was able to walk away and enjoy life again, will she?
March 2, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Patrice
So real. So sad. No winners, here.
March 4, 2009 at 8:52 am
Marcy
“Now in addition to my unaccommodating aunt and her silly sickness, I have inconvenienced my brother with my anger.”
I’ve now read this one several times and that line just sticks with me.
And I’m not convinced it was wrongful yelling at all.