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fuckball

It’s like learning any other new behavior or cognition. It’s the same as learning relaxation techniques or to challenge cognitive distortions. Anyone will tell you, these things take time, you’ll have setbacks, the thing is to keep at it. Okay, fine. So it’s hard to it when shit goes down because I feel as though I care. I feel frustrated because wires cross or don’t connect at all. I just have to repeat it, a mantra, over and over: fuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckit.

 

And then.

 

Beneath my eyes but above my cheek

I feel angry tears

almost forming

but not even bothering to rise to the surface

because it doesn’t even matter

why I’d be angry or why I’d cry

because I’m not supposed to care

sometimes I manage

and sometimes I don’t

 

Fuck it.

Comments

3 responses to “fuckball”

  1. lamarj72 Avatar
    lamarj72

    fuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckit.

    I thought I was the only one that used this mantra.

  2. Bindo Avatar
    Bindo

    If only you had read some of my emails to my Bro!
    Wait,
    have you?
    Hehehehehehe

    Hate all
    Fuck all

    Thanks for being honest

  3. dusty Avatar
    dusty

    It’s alright to care, I don’t know anybody who likes crossing wires or enjoys wasting someone’s time on purpose.

    It’s also alright not to care if that works better, I find that pretending I do care when I don’t sucks.

    for me, the absolute worst is when I do care, but pretend I don’t. Cause people start to think I do not care, and they treat me accordingly (different than the people who they think care)

    You are a good person, it’s OK to get upset. Feelings are there for a reason.

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