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May 5. Since she is experiencing a sort-of dissociative episode, this writer will refer to Medicated Lady in the third person for the duration of this post. It might be a dissociative episode or it might be a sign of mental stability that she is not upset about her work situation, which is shit and resulted in a negative evaluation last Friday. ML just sat there and took her medicine (meaning her boss’s comments). She said nothing to her boss because technically, it was errors caused by ML. After she took that kind of medicine, ML came back to her office and took another kind of medicine. ML’s close confidant assured her that she would rebound with another job soon and that he would put his best OCD foot forward and be on the prowl for job openings. This companion is the one who suggested ML be a mitigating circumstances investigator for death row inmates many years ago, even though if she did a bad job, someone would die because of her.

May 7. As it turns out, dear readers, my memory has not bounced back from the Trazedone experience. At least I’m not having too many withdrawal symptoms now. Last week, my loves, I did not receive a pleasant employee evaluation. Although I was not devastated, I cannot tell you the joy/relief I felt when I saw the two grammatical mistakes my supervisor made in her “letter of counseling” to me. I cannot tell you how miserable allergies can make one feel.

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Tuesday
a day of extended anxiety
“on” for the job
“on” for my class

and just for kicks
when I’m tired
enough
to rest my head
a phone call
cancer is terminal
again
nothing the doctors can do

six months
twelve months
lungsthyroidbonemarrowandmoremoremore
cancer is a carnival worker
smiling to my family, leering at them
a two for one special
and if you’re really nice
a third for free

SOB with me

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