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Hag/Fag II

February 4, 2010 in Poem | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 comments

He’s a straight man
in action
He says he wants my womb
but when I really offer it
he backtracks
says he and his husband just want the cats
meanwhile
I’m hearing in my other ear
that he asked another
to share his DNA with
someone prettier, slimmer
with bluer eyes than mine
even though mine are moderately blue
He’s a straight man in action
walking toward me
and turning to smoke
just when I reach out to touch him

How to Cope Without Your Favorite Writing Utensil or an Interesting Blog Topic

April 29, 2009 in about writing, How to, I Thought You'd Like To Know, Light and airy as I get, Rambling, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 comments

  • Sex.
  • Also, mentioning “sex” in a blog brings you more traffic, or so Bryan says. Put as many sexual tags as you can think of on your blog post. Think hard.
  • Try to find another writing utensil.
  • Tell yourself that this other writing utensil is perfectly sufficient.
  • Upon immediate dismissal of the above point, keep calm.
  • For Christ’s sake, shake out your luminous hair.
  • Distract yourself by considering your freckles.
  • Consider the cost of Claritin, which you had to buy because you needed it, but you would have preferred that the Family Dollar had generic in stock.
  • Email Jade. Email Bryan. Email Melissa.
  • Write random bullet points and hope no one notices the randomness.
  • Think morbid thoughts. Such as all the ways horrible things can befall people: aortic tears in plane crashes, torture, being shot repeatedly in Afghanistan, having your rehab dog shot to death upon returning to Texas, forest fires that incinerate entire crews of smokejumpers in Montana (?) gulches, plane crashes that result in the consumption of rugby players, cutting your own hand off, freezing to death on Mt. Everest, starving in the Alaskan wilderness, dating, ending up in a freezer, being in Iraq, being in Somalia, being infected by the swine flu, having multiple myeloma with a 10% chance of living through the treatment much less the illness, and not having your favorite writing utensil or an interesting blog topic.

SOB with me

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