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I have some random man’s boxers on
maybe the ex’s or any sort of reasonable facsimile
or the Gay Man
or such

The utility of men’s undergarments
the user-friendly hole in the front
pisses me off
as women are trapped in bras, lycra
panties that don’t have any ass coverage
just shoestrings
and such

Which has nothing to do with the point
which is that if woman came from Adam’s rib
isn’t Adam to blame for everything

**Admittedly a rant but only because I have a fatalistic look on love and sometimes I need to blame another gender as a distraction for blaming myself for all things terrible in relationships.** 🙂 or alternatively, 😦

I’ve been inspired by many of my fellow bloggers and my precious Bunny-Love (who considers me Mother and Poetic Grin his Other Mother, for he is the logical love child of the unnatural union of Bryan and me) has generously answered my probing questions with grace and good humor.

1. There was a skit on SNL once where Will Farrell was playing Harry Carry and said, “If you were a hotdog and you were stranded on an island, would you eat yourself?” Well, would you?

It depends on the type of hotdog I would be; if I were to be any sort of alternative hotdog–turkey, soy, etc–no. Just no. However; if I happened to become, in my hotdog island isolation, a chilli dog, there would be nothing for rescuers to find. If I were to be transformed into a corndog, that would be ideal, because I can only ever eat about half of one. The taste is great, but I get sick of it easily. And really, that sounds like me.

2. Where you do get your inspiration for writing? (Also, please tell our esteemed readers where your name comes from.)

I get my inspirations from a variety of sources. The major provider is just observations I make while wandering around, watching people or animals or plants or documentaries. The second source would have to be love. Friendly, lustful, insatiable, painful, distraught, miserable, wonderful, joyful, manic, light, and especially dark, love. I get little echoes of writings from my friends, but my best work derived from love comes from relationships. There are a lot of gay themes, and gay romances explored in my writing.

In regards to my name, B.R. Belletryst, I should say that the first part was given to me by someone who will always mean a lot to me. B.R. stands for Bunny Rabbit. The name came about during a particularly verbal sexual scene in which he told me to sit and hop on his cock, and called me his cock-rabbit. It developed into a pet name, Bunny, and has since become a name I regularly associate with. The second part, Belletryst, is my own invention. It is a portmanteau, sort of. A belletrist is a writer who writes centered around aesthetics, which is something I’d like to believe I do. The latter half of this word was changed though, because of my influence from love. A tryst, as defined by The Free Dictionary, is an agreement between lovers, especially in regards to a location to meet at. This word making up so much of who I am, romantically, as well as quite a few of my dreams, seemed a natural alteration to the word belletrist.

And so with the poem “in which he wakes,” B.R. Belletryst was born. I had been operating my website before that, but it was really with that poem, and that series of events that inspired it that I became the person and poet that my dear friend MedicatedLady is interviewing today.

3. Can you tell me why I’m so obsessed with my dog poo-ing?

No; but I can offer you this–cat poop is the worst thing in the world. The worst thing in the world. Ever.

4. How did you know writing was going to be a major part of your life?

I never know that it will be. It’s just part of me. I can’t explain to you why I write, why I write what I write, and I can’t tell you, or others, to write, or how enriching it is, if it is. To give you an example of what I’m talking about, I just recently started work outside of writing, and haven’t written anything since September 28th, journaling aside. Writing is a biological function to me, natural. It is a bodily excretion, as someone once said to me. It oozes. It flows. It is important, and it is nothing. Writing is drool, is shit, is cum, is piss, is blood, is menstrual blood, is bile, is tears, is snot, is earwax. It’s slow, it’s explosive, it’s orgasmic, it’s release, it’s scary, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, it is salty, it is gross, and it is beautiful and delicious. Writing is alchemy; primordial fluids coming together.

I don’t control when I’ll write, what I’ll write, or if I will feel like it at all. My idea about writing is that writers are and constantly become. Every day you write something, you become a writer, or tap into it, and it takes something from you, and gives you something else.

5. Ohio seems like a nice enough place. Can you give me the high points and low points of life there? Also, do people from Ohio support cows?

Ohio. There are decent theme parks and some kind of history involved, but it’s very boring. I live in Lancaster, Ohio–a small city that gets its kicks out of preserving American Civil War history. I’ve heard so much about General Sherman (even went to the middle school!) that I’ve lost a bit of respect for history. I’ve been in all the historical buildings, seen all those meticulously preserved outfits, rooms, and cannons, and the only thing I have to say about it is that it’s like keeping your dead grandfather’s toenails; creepy, unnecessary, and obsessive. But that’s just my opinion. I fully acknowledge that the Civil War and all involved were important to history, and the development of our country, but the extent to which my city revolves around it is ridiculous. In all honesty, my favorite part about Ohio is the people, and getting out of my city to go to Columbus. There’s a bit more culture, the people are more exciting, and there is always something to do.

That was a bit of a rant. Oh well, I’m planning on immigrating to Canada in years to come.

Cows, cows, cows. Nope. No support for cows whatsoever. I think that’s sort of an American thing. Or a human thing, considering Kobe Beef and cows everywhere else in the world, excluding India.

All around me, carnivorous people ripping them apart, screaming, chanting “BEEF! STEAK! JERKY! PRIME RIB! BURGER! RIBS! BARBECUE! TONGUE!”
And I hear their teeth, just gnashing,
gnashing, and holy fuck, it’s like trains
crashing, brains just like potatoes mashing,
something disturbing, but can’t look away,
teeth sinking in, tongue chewed on,
trying not to betray my senses
as I fight off winces, hunger growing,
growing, thoughts start slowing,
racing to realization, serenity or actualization
–Beef. Beef. It’s what I want. Juicy, rip it apart, consume, consume, oh gods it has consumed me, that fucking cow head, that fucking taste, give me more! MORE! I demand it!
MORE! Suddenly, meal finished,
I’m back, I abhor;
I can’t believe it was me, those actions, those … poor cows. Thoughts of meat hooks, slaughter houses, mooing, mooing, chopping, sawing, hooves flying and butchers laughing… Am I repulsed? Am I horrified? I’ll have chicken tomorrow. Or maybe… beef.

Visit Bunny’s website at http://brbelletryst.wordpress.com/

The new one says
casually
I like you.
I say, I like you, too.
We continue driving
barely touching fingers.

That new one
with his easy smile
that I sense is not so easy.

The new one
who will never win my complete adoration
Typical manspeak he meant it as a compliment
It wasn’t.
He said
I like hanging out with you
and that is the same as saying
fuck you.

Between Birth and Decay

My aunt had cancer.
Actually, she still does.
It’s just rotting with her bones in an underground cavern.

Between birth and decay,
it’s the suffering that counts.
Malinger away.

Two other aunts have cancer now.
Don’t they deserve it, never coming to visit
never seeing the suffering until the end.

More endings coming forthwith.

 Miami

My ex-boyfriend had gone to Miami for four days in April.
I know because I drove him from the airport.

He went to a strip club.
He met and took pictures of girls he met there.
One night on the town, three pictures of these girls.
I know because one morning after he’d gone to work, I looked through the pictures on his camera.

Six months with me, not a one picture did he take.
I know because I was there.
I know because he’s so predictable.

I know because I drove him to the airport.

Bones

My dog had a bone
but no meat on it
not even much of a scent
where there should have been flavor and bite

My friend nodded
saying it’s a shame
puppies having puppies
but she didn’t know better

She just wanted a chance at a real bone
but she has the real thing now and I give her bacon-flavored bones everyday

See poeticgrin.com for the rules of this exercise.

Note: “Miami” and “Bones”  appear to have 11 lines; however, there is one line in each that is  too long for wordpress’s sensibilities.

Am I going to kill my mother? My Aunt Ty died. Now, two other aunts on that same side of the family have cancer. These three aunts have at least one thing in common: they always swore that there’d been a mistake and I was their daughter. My aunts soon to be dead or already so. And I wonder, if I’ve killed my other mothers, am I going to kill my own mother.

So this is simultaneously it
end of him, end of him
the two of them should run off together
bound by their would-be wounded souls
unchained to my inconvenience and instability.

I should give the international one’s number
to the local one
both law enforcement sorts
I entrapped them both
sue me.

Or better yet
leave me.

Oh, I hope he responds. It’s true. I’m anticipating a fight. I’m anticipating starting and fanning the flames of a fight. It’s entertainment. Plus, he’s just some guy. I have been used in most of my relationships with men (not all), so why shouldn’t I use some guy who wants me to be someone I’m not?

Oh, cynicism. When people call me cynical, I say thank you. It’s quite the compliment.

(Go ahead, say it. I’ll be beaming. You’ll make me a happy girl. Don’t you want me to be a happy girl?)

Now, I do feel as though the above comment is slightly sexual in nature and I don’t know you like that (as my sugar daddy, dear reader) so I really should take it down a notch.

What I’m saying is I find it frustrating when a man is stubborn about not wanting to argue with me. Hmmm. I know I can find a soft spot to poke; I just have to think. Think!

This Medicated Lady is thinking irrationally again.

Irrational because.
I’ve been considering a diet consisting only of those flavored ice pops
especially the blue ones
the ones I like the least

Irrational because.
No one but me looks forward to a psychotic break

Irrational because.
It occurred to me that I’m tired of being medicated
tired of being in need of medication
tired of being in need
tired of being

Irrational because.
Right is what’s right
right as opposed to wrong
right as opposed to left
right as opposed to write
write as opposed to rite

Irrational because.
It makes sense.

Irrational because.

it was a year ago today
since I saw him last

it was a year ago yesterday
that he told me he had no affection for me
branded it into my psyche

it was a year ago yesterday
and on this anniversary
by coincidence only
he emailed me
wondered if we were on speaking terms

it was a year ago
I would have forgotten it was our anniversary
if he hadn’t contacted me

it was a year ago
I cannot bring myself to believe
he’s been counting, too

I sometimes wonder if I’ve made an impact on any of the men’s lives I’ve dated. I don’t understand man emotions because they have never been explained to me, but I wonder if I’ve caused them pain or sadness. In such times, I take comfort in the possibility that I might have mattered in some way. Not enough to come after me. Not enough to not let me go. But maybe I mattered in some way that I’ll never understand.

But.
Then.
I remember.
Comfort is completely self-serving.

What keeps coming to mind is this guy I dated once who was really nice (I’ll call him Larry Kerry because he had a name that rhymed just like that). I liked him, but the other guy I was dating was just more exciting and I had a greater chemistry with him. The other guy, I ultimately chose, and he turned out to be an asshole of astronomical proportions.

Larry Kerry was a computer analyst and former Navy man. He tried out for the SEALS but had to drop out due to an injury. He pondered working for the FBI. He was tall, graying a little early but it was sexy. He was always so nervous around me. I felt flattered and sympathetic. He wore a little too much cologne. And he downed a glass of red wine right before we left a restaurant and I realized once I was in his car, I should’ve insisted on driving.

Still. There was nothing wrong with him. He just wasn’t an asshole or The Asshole I wanted. I let him go and do not regret it. I do not think of him with any particular fondness. I mainly feel nothing.

Which is why comfort is completely self-serving because I imagine I’m the Larry Kerry of most of the men I’ve dated.

SOB with me

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