Category: How to
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How to Appear Competent in All Situations
It’s been brought to my attention that I have a knack for convincing the good people in my world I’m competent until it’s much too late for them to do anything about it. It was brought to my attention recently when I mentioned to a friend that I was changing jobs and she said she…
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How to Successfully Manage Anxiety in Stressful Times
I don’t advocate suicide, dear readers, as a stress management tool. If you want to manage your anxiety in a so-called “maladaptive” way (and why wouldn’t you?), you should consider picking. This involves the pulling of skin to cause pain and injury to relieve stress and give an external source of distraction to the things…
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How to Make a Cake
Let the snow fall down, half a foot let the rain fall down, half an inch freeze, five hours serve with slippery roads and unbecoming falls from grace.
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The Easy How-To Instruction Guide for All Things Important
Eating French Fries 1. Always eat fries in pairs of two, who are very close to identical length. Do not eat one, four, seven, or eleven fries at one time. Only two. Think French fry twins. 2. If you get to the end of your fries, and you discover a single fry left, you should…
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How to Make It through a Tuesday
Create lists. Many, many lists. Breathe sighs of relief that you are keeping yourself silent. Drink Coke Zero. Feel guilty about drinking Coke Zero and go get some water. Watch your hard-won tan fade. Remember your luminous hair and shake it out for good measure. Distract yourself with all sorts of insignificant things all day.…
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How to Get On with It for the Love of Jesus
If you have to use Aspercreme on sore muscles, wash and rewash your hands. Once or twice is not good enough, because should the icy-hot fire somehow get around your what-not area, it will burn for hours and you will be miserable. If you haven’t already done so, just get on with it. Eat chips…
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How to Navigate Threatening Situations
It’s not true what they said failure always an option in all life-threatening and non-life-threatening situations Prediction. If I am gazed upon by the sun, I will burn. My skin will peel. Repeat until I get skin cancer and die. That’s failure or success, depending on your life view.
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