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Category: advice

  • How to Appear Competent in All Situations

    It’s been brought to my attention that I have a knack for convincing the good people in my world I’m competent until it’s much too late for them to do anything about it. It was brought to my attention recently when I mentioned to a friend that I was changing jobs and she said she…

  • A GUEST BLOG WHILE MEDICATEDLADY IS AWAY

    Guest blog post by Bryan Borland, in MedicatedLady’s absence Dear Readers, I was honored when MedicatedLady asked me to write a guest-post in her absence. Well, not so much honored as burdened. And she didn’t ask me so much as I demanded. Such is our relationship.  MedicatedLady is, at this moment, touring our nation’s capitol. Her…

  • Ways to Let Him* Know You Care

    *Him being a clueless male and not my faithful dear readers. Say okay to cuddling, as in his definition of cuddling, not yours. Say alright to things you’d rather not do. Send a defaced Hallmark card. (Specifically, if you are sending said card to a Straight Man, be sure to include “fuck”; otherwise, he will…

  • How to Make It through a Tuesday

    Create lists. Many, many lists. Breathe sighs of relief that you are keeping yourself silent. Drink Coke Zero. Feel guilty about drinking Coke Zero and go get some water. Watch your hard-won tan fade. Remember your luminous hair and shake it out for good measure. Distract yourself with all sorts of insignificant things all day.…

  • SuckerPunch: What To Do, What To Do

    It’s happened. A continuation of a saga I thought was as over as it was going to be. Maybe it’s predictable. But the wind is knocked out of me and I feel as though my life depends on how I recover my breath. My ex-boyfriend emailed me, asking how the world was treating me. When…

  • ML Needs More Advice, Dearest

    Questions for the masses, specifically you, dear reader: Do you think it’s acceptable to have an irrational urge to have an Airman? Why do guys who are available make me uneasy? What are human pets? Can you motivate me to lose weight? I’m getting chunky. My mother said so.* Black is the best fair-weather non-color…

  • Facts about Sobbing

    Sobbing is never, ever attractive. It makes people uncomfortable. Sobbing induces other people’s sobbing. It makes the one who started the sobbing feel a little guilty, but not really. Sobbing is best suppressed after two minutes. One can continue to sob inwardly, but it’s best to be polite about it and shut up. Sobbing causes…

  • Dear Medicated Lady: the Column

    Dear Medicated Lady,   “Can you define ‘irony’?”   Paul   Dearest Paul,   I am reading a book about this schizophrenic lady who goes on rants, creating the proverbial word salad. Now. I shall attempt to answer your question in the same format.   Irony? Because I need more iron siren, crying. Do you…