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Month: February 2010

  • Wet was the Willie

    I almost had a wet willie once but as it turned out I didn’t have a willie. I was wet, though.

  • Trouble

    Trouble n’ow a’brewin’ midst the broad moonl’ght if ‘ is for a letter let the letter be sp’te if ‘ is for nothing particular let the nothing fill what’s left of your inbox

  • Something Other Than Fate

    On Monday, happenstance occurred. Happenstance, I say, because I’m not sure I believe in fate or destiny, puzzle pieces fitting together just so. I see a yellow sticky note on my office floor. I leave it there for several hours. I have things to do. In the mid-afternoon, I pick up the note and take…

  • Domination

    the days of his domination are over the days of him going too far the days of me pretending to be appalled now he’s genuinely startled when I take him too far he crumples as a child dropkicked on green grass in the early spring he fetus-hugs himself licking his wounds the ones I’ve created…

  • FAG/HAG SERIES CONTEST WINNER: SURROGATES by JOSEPH HARKER

    Someday we are going to have two point five children. This is how they’ll be: myopic Caucasians with updraft hearts and thistle carpets for hair, curious challengers to the world at large who will know the truth about where half their chromosomes came from: sitting in a lab with an issue of XY, Kleenex, and…

  • Questions and Shit/BTW I have tonsilitis.

    All about me. In one word describe how you currently see yourself: homely One prominent nickname you were given: ML or in my other life, Lo One strange fact about yourself: I hate constrictions of having to come up with one response when I mostly have several responses to questions, some of which are mutually…

  • How to Get Through Hard Times

    There’s no way to avoid life’s cruel, incessant lashings. Here’s what you do when difficult times descend: • You carefully examine the rubble of your cookies. Your immediate thought is that you could never overcome this woeful obstacle. • You put the cookies out of your sight for 35 seconds. • You can’t get the…

  • Giving It to You the Way You Want It

    Bryan has answered seven pressing questions (seven, because he refused to answer any more or less because of his ocd). Enjoy. 1. Do you find Nestle Crunch bars slightly more satisfying than love? Be honest. When I was young, I did find Nestle Crunch bars more satisfying than love. But, truth be told, love to…

  • Writing Inspiration: Dating

    A good date is always a bad date for a writer. I get a rush of delight when I realize things have gone horribly awry and I’m stuck in a situation that I will be forced to endure for another 53 minutes. It’s sweet, the taste of the meat of him, the reassuring thought that…

  • How to Make a Cake

    Let the snow fall down, half a foot let the rain fall down, half an inch freeze, five hours serve with slippery roads and unbecoming falls from grace.