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Month: January 2010

  • A Reader’s Purge: Binging on the Ruminations of Little Girls and Dying

    I’ve been crying since I was eight years old. Blame Lurlene McDaniel. I do. In the summer of 1987, I found death on a shelf at the Lee County Library in Sanford, North Carolina. I had been looking for those pre-teen romance novels, the ones where boys didn’t have naughty intentions and girls said no…

  • Girl with Bad Attitude Crossing the Street

    Here’s a technique they use: In a perfect world, what would happiness, togetherness, the best date ever, etc. look like? Maybe the question helps some people, but it pisses me off. 1) Before I can even begin to answer the question, I have to imagine a perfect world, which is such a huge issue I…

  • A Waffle House Romance

    I met him at the Waffle House, which was even cooler than saying I met him on the internet He was cute though for a moment as I was walking up I wasn’t sure He had stunning blue eyes usually I go for brown but he was all smiles and there was little awkwardness I…

  • A Paragraph about Menz

    Seriously. They. All. Come. Back. The last two days have brought greetings from two former men who sinned against me. Greetings that were happy and affable, old friends saying hello. Fucking Air Force men. The guy who left the country without telling me IMed me out of the blue yesterday. He’s leaving Japan, but he’s…

  • Stage Show

    He summons me on stage Let’s do a runthrough He welcomes my impromptus the dancing grooves of my pulsing neurons that say YES, YES, YES with good humor a sort of warm embrace if we embraced co-mingled with the excitement of the next best show coming to town he know he’ll be in the front…

  • Starvation Log 0.70

    Found a new calorie calculator online. The computer calculated. I need to reduce my intake to 1759 cal or 1421 (without exercise) in order to lose weight. I recalculated. I know better than to starve myself but alas, it’s 5 p.m. and my calorie count of the day is 535. My head aches and I…

  • The Easy How-To Instruction Guide for All Things Important

    Eating French Fries 1. Always eat fries in pairs of two, who are very close to identical length. Do not eat one, four, seven, or eleven fries at one time. Only two. Think French fry twins. 2. If you get to the end of your fries, and you discover a single fry left, you should…

  • On Country Personal Ads

    I’ve never met this guy and I never will. He offends me to the core. Repusively country. When a dating service asks you what your interests are, they mean what interests do you have that you can share with your future beloved. They do not mean, do you like to go muddin and huntin and…

  • Vomiting Joy

    Tiny snowflake tears make me want to vomit joy. That’s close to a pleasant thought I had the other day. Dear readers, I have missed you. I’m not feeling profound or witty or particularly inspired, but Bryan says the show must go on. I will give you tidbits of information because I know you enjoy…